the CD

I sit
I listen
You gave
I like
Mellow and soothing
Just right
How did you know?

drops of notice

inadvertantly, one of my friends challenged me to look up. to look up and not down while i am walking.

my street:
as i walk along, 2 worlds collide. notting hill meets uniformity. a mandarin tree. a six foot high rose. university students. cafe culture. double income no kids. retirees. weeds. palm trees. cracked concrete. converted/renovated terraces. condemned terraces. half-way house. mod-con uni housing.
all on the 4 minute walk to and from college.

i love it

fraser trip

i visited eli creek 3 years ago and it looked like this when i visited 2 years ago, strong storms meant that it was no longer crystal clear.

i wonder what it looks like now...
i'd like to go back and visit

you take one friday night off youth group, combine it with college friends, some dark chocolate, popcorn and the Castle. Throw in a splash of red wine, and you have the makings of a very enjoyable night.

Darum sollen wir desto mehr achten auf das Wort, das wir hören, damit wir nicht am Ziel vorbeitreiben

I’ve been listening to Mike’s album ‘Promises’ almost non-stop since its launch on the weekend. When he played Offering at the launch, I cried. This album has already been a huge blessing to me. I hope and pray that Mike will continue to serve God in many wonderful ways.

If anyone out there is on the hunt for new church music, take a look at this CD, it is great. It is also enhanced so you can use it in accordance with CCLI etc.

Promises

Offering

Into Your hands
All that I am
Take it as my offering
Take my life and make it sing

A glorious song
Of praise to your name
A living melody
To a life set free
From shame

It’s in your death
That we will find life
Lived not for ourselves
But in the freedom of Christ
Freedom to serve
Freedom to die
Freedom to take up our
Cross and live
For the glory of Christ

© 2006 Mike Begbie ‘Promises’
Available here

becuase i can

sitting in the library with music blarking in my ears wondering if i should actually go and socialise with people at morning tea. almost made it it chapel this morning, just got a little delayed by dropping off 2 fresh canvases for the art show today.

(we are having huge problems with internet at home - i hope they give us a discount off the next bill as it hasn't been working properly since the weekend)

What a lovely day.
Although not exactly as planned.
Shopping this morning with Mum, no heeb lesson this arvo (tomorrow arvo instead), dinner tonight with Trinity (yes, at that ‘other college’), now home about to crack open a fresh canvas.
I feel amazingly refreshed. It was so nice to go out for a few hours and forget about the world.
I think I may even attempt to get to some classes tomorrow.

The events and discussions of the past 4 days are far from over, but things are moving.

Enough for now.

not a drop of colour in sight

i dropped off some of my canvases this arvo for the art exhibition on thursday. our lounge room looks bare without them which i think is a good sign as it means that i am liking them more and more each day. i may even get another one done before thursday. i spoke to the chick who is organising it today and she said that she had over 100 works which i think is fantastic seeing as it is only the second year that it is running.

therapy is needed tomorrow. wagging a day off class (with full permission from the principal-which takes the fun out of it), shopping with mum in the morning, heeb lesson in arvo, painting at night
what more could one ask for???

please keep praying...

my lecturers have been great. I spent an hour with my chaplain yesterday, and then an hour with the dean of students. They are fantastic. They have granted me an extension on this essay that is due tomorrow. Thankfully. Although even if they hadn't there would be no way that I would get it done as I haven't started reading/researching yet, and I have a major meeting on tonight.

Please pray that eyes will be opened, and ears will hear the grave concerns I have. Please pray that God will continue to give me strength to get through these times.

2 down, 2 to go (conversations that is)

in fun news, I went to Mike's albumn launch last night. I haven't been to Devotion in a while and it was awesome to go and spend an hour singing praises to our great God.

so much more to say, but the words can't be written.

til next time

if you are the praying type...

can i ask you to pray for me as i head out this arvo? I have a couple of sensitive / difficult / confronting pastoral situations to address this weekend. I am feeling anxious about them, which I am going now to pray, and cast those anxieties upon God.

the fog lifts

one foul swoop
just one lot of words
the truth
the fog lifts
i see you now
not the same
through fog i thought
i dreamed
we shared
i slept
we drank
i cried
we ate and i smiled
its not too late
i'm glad i know
to save my heart
to spare my soul

in recent news:

due to our delay in telecast, this news report is several days overdue. Late last year, this news source brought you this report. It is my sad and solemn duty this day to report the loss of Joe. For 3 days he lay terminally ill, but Sunday night saw his release from struggle. I miss him. Although he survived the move from my parents, it seems that this house was just too cold for him (and for me too!).

Farewell dear Joe

back from the edge...

with the exception of mission, this is prob the longest time i have not updated this blog. my apologies! life is a little hectic at the moment.

rather than give you a long winded rewind of the past 10 days, just know that i did some stuff, i saw some people, i did some talks, and there was some laughing and crying.

tonight saw my first formal function as an ordination candidate. i went to bishops court for dinner. it was nice to get out and hang out with friends.

friday 2 days away, i have my first proper hebrew test, following wednesday i have an ethics essay due.

anyone out there know of anywhere i can get a cheap, but safe heater? my house/room is freezing.

BTW - impressive moment of the week - i wore a dress and put makeup on tonight!

so i am still procrastination writing this exegetical paper

here are some pics from mission taken with my fone

pirates and their parties

i walked down the street this morning with knee high stipey socks on, jeans rolled up past my knees, and dodgey painted stripey t-shirt, and a yellow check bandanna on my head. what was amusing was the fact that no-one batted an eye at my attire. i think this says something about the suburb that i live in!
even more amusing was the fact that i saw Mintie as i was walking to the party and she didn't say a word about what i was wearing. i am thinking that should make me slightly concerned about what people think about my normal (or not so normal) attire. hmmmm

it all went well, and was fun. my voice has taken a battering what with mission last week, recovering from a cold, youth group last night and then helping out with games and talking this morning at the party. it has a 'janice joplin' edge to it.

new word for the day

berührungsberaubung

--
isn't it amazing what you can find when you are procrastinating!
:)

inspiration and pirates

all classes attended and accounted for... well sort of! I ditched out of ethics to go to hebrew, hmmmm maybe I should be thinking more about my ethics.

back to youth group tonight. How I have missed the kids. It has been 5 weeks since I have been (2 weeks of mission, 3 weeks of school holidays). We are going to Youth Surge next week which should be tops.

I have been trying to decide if I should enter anything into the college art exhibition. I had another idea for a canvas on the way home tonight. I think I will get cracking on it after my exegetical is done for monday. I have one half finished canvas, but I don't like it anymore. I may paint over it, or just get started on one of the other 5 blank ones I have sitting in my room.

Time for me to paint a white T-Shirt with red stripes for the pirate party I am going to in the morning. The 4 year old whose party it is, told me that pirates MUST wear stripey shirts, and as he is going as a blue pirate, I must go as a red one (apparently his lego has blue and red pirates).
I'm looking forward to the treasure hunt!

snapshots

Mission in some ways was a week of getting lost. Most days I was lost in some way shape or form. Even with the aid of driving in convoy, even with specifically drawn maps to aid me, I still managed to get lost. One 20-minute trip took six times that length!

I learnt how to do stumping, teabag folding and ribbon weaving. (All are craft activities, and my life will never be the same again! I’ll teach you if you like!!)

After going to numerous women's events (due to a severe shortage of women in our team) I learnt that youth ministry is still my passion.

I learnt that it is possible to talk to a four year old whilst having a power nap.

I learnt that nanna's in Shellharbour (as in all the world!) love to give hugs and kisses.

I was reminded that God is good.

I learnt that driving a car back up Mount Ousley doesn't work without a clutch.

I learnt that God uses all situations. I had a great chat with the towtruck driver about Jesus.

I struggled not seeing my mum on mothers day.

I was reminded that we have family all over the world, family we haven't met yet. It was a joy to meet them. It was a joy to share their lives for a week.

I was anxious to get home to my own bed and recover, but now reflecting on the week, I miss some of the young adults that I met. I may go away with them in the mid year break.

I do have some piccies taken with my phone, I'll try and upload them at some stage.

Over and Out.

flashbacks

questions of the day:
what is the difference between ontological and deontological again? and how does divine command theory fit into this? and what about consequentialism?
also, exciting... I almost asked a question in doctrine today with PFJ, but by the time he got back to me I had forgotten the question. I am such a ditz at times!!

yes I am alive, I haven't slipped off the face of the planet, although due to car probs it took me a little longer than expected to return from Shellharbour.
back to class today, attending almost all of them. it was good for me to get back into the swing, I haven't been in regular class attendance in over 5 weeks.

tonight I headed over to 'that other college' for dinner with Trinity. We hung out, watched some TV and headed down the pub to meet Kizzie-Dawg and watch the Mundine/Green fight. Croyden Park Hotel gave me flashbacks to my old lifestyle that sometimes fade into a dim memory. It was my first boxing match that I have watched, and suprisingly I think I enjoyed it.

I saw a nastly accident on the way home. A cyclist hit by a 4WD. Sleep defies me.

Mission updates to come.

almost ready - i think

tomorrow morning i leave to go on college mission for a week. i have pack, but i am sure that i will have forgotten something!
i don't know if i'll have internet access, so i prob won't blog til i get back (9 days).

other news, i got given a laptop today. one of the guys here at college got himself a new one, so gave me his old one. it is great, it means that i will be able to head to my parents some weekends and take work with me.
and, bonus, i get to take it on mission with me which means i can write my talks on it this week.

--
phooey, i just realised i can't find my usb stick. grrrrr

books books and more books

its a good dilemma to be in, but it is still a dilemma. i have run out of room for books.

not only did i spluge out last week and use some of the money in my books account to buy Karl Barth's Church Dogmatics (yes, all 14 volumes, and yes they look very pretty), but I also bought another 13 books. 9 theology, 4 christian living (mainly for my project)

arrgggghhhh, where do i put them????

just in case you were wondering

I decided that Jesus will return bodily and visible, I believe that is what the bible teaches, and doctrinally that is what we must insist.

Maybe one of these days I'll work out how to link my essay here and you can tell me what you think...

back to normal transmission

Back into life running...

It was nice to get some love from L'il Miss in my pigeon hole yesterday.

Tweety took me out shopping yesterday which was nice.

Survivor last night with the fellowship (I think that is the first time that I have gone this year - man where is my commitment!).

Hopefully my body will get back into routine soon.

I should really ring my friends that I am going to stay with for the week next week. I've only told them via text when I am coming, and I haven't seen them in about 18months!!

I should think about class work at some stage, apparently we have an exegetical due shortly after mission next week.

I should really clean my room....

word count: 3246

FINSHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhh how sweet sleep will be tonight!

word count: 2610

time for a break!

word count: 2383

almost there!

word count: 2197

staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagnating again

word count: 2113

I cracked the 2K mark!

word count: 1977

are we there yet?
how much longer?
when will we get there?

just count the telegraph poles

word count: 1808

back on the move!

word count: 1522

and stagnating

word count: 1396

the elephant moves,
stomps about,
always there,
in my face,
I can’t get away,
I can’t escape,
the elephant’s there,
stomping about

word count: 1269

yup, i wrote some more, then deleted some

i think that is it for me for the night. Not only does my internet keep crashing, but word keeps randomly closing my files. Fortunately I regularly save (to the USB stick as well!!)

word count: 1274

(with footnotes 1840)

and my internet has been offline for the last few hours - grrrr

word count: 952

(with footnotes: 1333)

word count: 865

still climbing

word count: 710

and climbing

word count: 404

this essay was due last monday. In first year, I worked in the study room with Whitey (yes we would both be pulling all-nighters the night before) and we would write our word count up on the board every half hour or so as a bit of a challenge to one another.
Most ppl have handed their essays in by now which means that I have noone to pit myself against, or to spur me on.

praise God

where is it?

I am desperately trying to find the link between the incarnation, the resurrection, and the return. I keep reading and reading and reading, but I can't find it!
Moltmann, Barth, Schweitzer, Spong, Doyle, Bloesch, McGrath, Letham, Calvin, Pannenberg arrrgghhhh.
I need to get thoughts down on paper, and quick, but I can't seem to verbalise where this essay is going.

procrastination in the form of musings

One of my friends spoke to me after the previous post, and commented that I sounded sad. He was right, I was sad. But you know what, that is ok. Life isn't always happy, but I do want my life to be always joyful.

I spoke to one of my lecturers the other day here at college, to get some help narrowing my topic for my project next year (well actually I was speaking to him about something else, but I grabbed the opportunity to ask him about my project).

I may have come up with another direction or focus.
He suggested:
An ethics of contentment, with specific aplication to singleness
I quite like that one. That is if I take the ethics line, which I think is more my scene.

If I was to do a Biblical Studies project, I think it would be something like:
How can we read 1 Corinthians 7 in light of Genesis 2 and 3.

I would be interested in doing a theology based project which would be:
A Theology of Singleness.
But apparently Doylie doesn't like you doing a theology project if you don't have a doctrine average of 75% or higher - which is something I do not have. And besides, that is probably too broad a topic for 15,000 words.

My GPA is just under what I though I needed to do the project so I have been busting my guts trying to get it up, but then I read the handbook and found out that the GPA needed was yet another 5% above what I thought it was. It just means that I have to seek special permission to do it. In some ways finding that out has meant less pressure because I know that unless I somehow end up with marks 20 points higher this year, I can't reach the required GPA. So I figure that there is no point in busting my guts when I will seek permission from the Board of Studies.

The lecturer I spoke to on Friday said that he will support my application, but that he is just one voice among twenty. I am going to try and speak to more lecturers over the next 6 months to get their vibe and possibly their support.

Now back to this doctrine essay that was due this afternoon, but I still have a big fat zero word count!

grief

This morning I went to a baby shower. It was lovely. I share in the joy of so many families. There are so many friends there who are expecting over the next few weeks.

Here at college, the topic of infertility is often raised. We pray for those who may be struggling with the grief that infertility brings. I think this is really important. But this concern and compassion is always aimed at couples that struggle with those things. I want to say: singles struggle with the grief of infertility too.

Christian singles struggle with the knowledge that they may never even have the opportunity to even try to have a baby. The grief that a single person feels may be different than that of a married person, but it is still grief.

It is grief that may mean that there isn’t anyone around to share with. There may not be anyone to talk to about it, to weep with you, to hug you, or to comfort you. I think it is important to acknowledge that grief is there. To hide it and bury is not good. To do that can lead to a deep-rooted bitterness and anger toward God, the world, and others.

I am content in my single state. I believe that God has me exactly where he wants me. I still have struggles and I still have grief. That is ok.

It is ok to have grief as a single. It is ok to have struggles. BUT, when we allow our struggles or grief to turn into discontent, when we allow them to turn into a thing that rules our lives, a thing that consumes us, it is a bad thing. We need to be content in God’s goodness and His sovereignty. After all, He is the loving creater and ruler of this world. He created you and me. He knows us better than we know ourselves. AND, He is control of each and every thing that happens!

Today I grieve that I do not have either a husband or child.

But today I will pray that my life will be honouring to God.
I will pray that my life will reflect His love.
I will thank God that He loves me so much that He sent Jesus to die for me.
I will take joy and delight in giving glory to God.

Ich will eine Umarmung

jetzt vielleicht ist es der Mangel am Schlaf, oder vielleicht ist es die zähe Liebe, die in meinem Leben geschehen ist, aber ich Melancholie und blau heute fühle. Ich kam zum Bett an 3am, ich hatte meinen Warnungssatz für 8:30, aber ich bin nicht im Stande gewesen, mich in meine Arbeit zu begeistern. Ich muss es tun. Ich muss anheizen, und einen Aufsatz-Plan bekommen.

Ich will eine Umarmung

Es hat Zeiten gegeben, wenn dieser Aufsatz mich aufregen ließ. Erregt über die Tatsache, dass Jesus zurückkommen wird. Aber heute bin ich wollen, dass es zu Ende ist. Ich will, dass es beendet wird. Sowohl der Aufsatz als auch das größere Ding, Sünde. Die Tatsache, dass das eine gebrochene Welt ist. Es lässt mich weinen.






--
Von guten Mächten wunderbar geborgen, erwarten wir getrost, was kommen mag. Gott ist bei uns am Abend und am Morgen und ganz gewiß an jedem neuen Tag.
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

zufällige deutsche Gedanken ich kann nicht aus meinem Kopf herauskommen, die zum Reim aus keinem anständigen Grund wollen!!!

Ich spreche
Ich seufze
Ich schreie
Ich schreie
Ich schließe meine Augen

Ich hasse
Ich liebe
Ich drehe mich
Ich wachse
Ich zerschlage meine Tränen

Ich lächle
Ich stöhne
Ich koche
Ich pansche
Ich verpasse meinen Regentropfen

Listen, Unterbrechungen und Wünsche

Ich habe viel nicht, um zu sagen. Es gibt nicht viel Ereignis im Moment. Meine Tage fallen ins Muster dessen: wachen Sie an 7, Arbeit zu 12 auf, gehen Sie zur Bibliothek, Mittagessen an 2, Arbeit zu 3, Schlaf zu 4:30/5 spazieren, essen, Arbeit 9 bis 2, dann ich schlafen Sie wieder.

Manchmal wird diese Liste nett unterbrochen. Einige Freunde haben angerufen. Einige haben mich eingeladen, an einer Mahlzeit mit ihnen teilzuhaben.

Ich habe die Systematische Theologie von Pannenberg, und einige seiner anderen Schriften gelesen. Es lässt mich wünschen, dass meine deutschen Sachkenntnisse besser waren.

I've finally updated and added some links that I check out regularly.

*amused*

Sometimes motivation and discipline are hard to find. I keep losing them, and don't know where I left them (or perhaps it could even be that I don't want to find them).

In some ways, me being at college is quite amusing. I have never really been one to sit down and study, I have never been one to like writing essays, yet here I am studying a 4 year course that is almost entirely assessed by essay. arrrgggghhh - what was I thinking?

Although it is not always enjoyable, college is a great delight. The faculty who serve there continue to amaze me with their depth of insight and knowledge of God's word. I feel a tension. I want to be out telling people about Jesus with every moment of the day (well, almost every moment), but I also want to make the most of my time at college, not wasting the time that I have here.

And on that topic of non-wastage, I am going to quit procrastinating, and get into my reading on the bodily and visible return of Christ, right now!

Christ is risen


He will come again in glory


bodily and visibly!

calvary

I spent a lot of time reflecting on the cross yesterday.

acf, Lady Design and I watched the Passion last night. It was the first time that I had seen it since it came out. I have told myself in the past that I wouldn’t watch it again because the violence disturbed me. It was a spur of the moment decision to watch it again. It meant that I couldn’t get to sleep until about 3am, but I am glad that we watched it. I found it disturbing and horrific. Yet, an in your face reminder of what Christ has done for us. It eyeballed me last night once again.

Christ died for us.

will you say yes?

There are some decisions in life that require a yes or no answer. Marriage is one of those. When you are asked ‘do you take ______ to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband?’ you can’t exactly say maybe. If you did say maybe, how do you think your fiancé/e would respond? I would imagine not too well. You might even say 'well it isn't as though I said no'.

There are some times in our lives that not saying yes is the same as saying no.

Marriage is one of those things.
God is another of those things. When you hear the message of what Jesus did on this day over 2000 years ago for you, God needs an answer. It isn’t good enough to say ‘well it isn’t as though I said no’. Will you say yes?

...

Giving up Survivor last night, I went to the library.  I don’t think it really produced anything fruitful, but thus seems my life at the moment.
On a brighter front, I walked past Lady Design’s room on the way home at 9pm, only to find out that there was a group going out for gelato.  I was in two minds about going.  I haven’t really been the most social creature lately.  She convinced me to go.  Even as we were walking down the street I was considering going home.  I’m glad I went.  It took a while to relax, but I had some fun.  I think my life needs more fun.  I told Mamma Swan today that the only thing bringing joy to my life was biblical Hebrew.  OK, so maybe I was stretching the truth a little.  It was good to hang out with JST, acf, Lady Design and others (I must think of some more nicknames).

Tonight’s agenda…
Left-over satay vegies from Jedi Masters cooking lesson last night.
Maybe try and do some filing, or at least try and find my desk.
Get into bed early so I can hit the library at 8am.

early starts

my early tuesday morning start got even earlier this morning. I got up at 6am to call my friend Nic in NZ. It was well worth it. I called her using Skypeout and it only cost 60cents for 25mins! It was a little bizarre getting used to the delay, but for that price, you can't really complain. She said that it was no worse than when her mum calls her on a normal landline.
I was trying to keep my voice down so that I didn't wake up English Lass, so it was quite amusing trying not to laugh when she was telling me that she is now involved in singing at church.

Talking to her made me realise once again that God is good.

Mustn't linger too long as I need to start searching for my folders and books for today. I've got no idea where they could be in this room. It amazes me that everything I own fits pretty much into a 3mx3m room, yet I still manage to not be able to find stuff.

--
Phooey, I just realised that it is Hebrew class today, and I haven't finished pre-reading the chapter.

Ich habe den grössten Teil des im Bett kranken Wochenendes ausgegeben. Wie die meisten Menschen hasse ich auch krank zu sein. Eines der Dinge, von denen ich nicht zärtlich bin, ist in der Stadt krank seiend. Ich fühle mich eingefasst.
Mama kam heute und kaufte mich Mittagessen. Ich gehe morgen abend für Braten.
Ich fühle mich geliebt, aber krank.

Finally - an author on my wavelength!

As some of you know, I have been researching for my project on singleness. Finally I have come across an author who is on my wavelength. Most of the books I have read have either been about 'what to do whilst waiting', or have been a whinge about life, or have been completely dry.
One of the books that Paso sent me the other day was this.
Now maybe I am preempting at this point as I am only 10 pages in, but so far I am finding it an excellent read.
Most of my thinking has the underlying presupposition of contentment. Contentment that is found in the realisation that God is sovereign and God is good. So to read this has been an excitement.

Ultimately, we are single because that's God's will for us right now. That's it. It's not because we are too old, too fat, too short, too quiet, too loud, too smart, too simple, too demanding, or too anything else. It's not wholly because of past failures or sin tendencies. [...] it'd not because the men we know lean toward passive temperaments. It's not because there are more women than men in our singles group. It's not because our church doesn't even have a singles group. Though perhaps these things seem like valid reasons, they don't trump God's will. [...] We are single today because God apportioned us this gift today.

One more thought: I've often heard married people say to singles that we won't get married until we are content in our singleness, but I humbly submit this is error. I'm sure that it is offered by well-meaning couples who want to see their single friends happy and content in God's provision, but it creates a works-based mentality to receiving gifts, which can lead to condemnation. The Lord doesn't require that we attain a particular state before He grants a gift. We can't earn any spiritual gift any more than we can earn our own salvation. It's all of grace. However, we should humbly listen to our friends and receive their input about cultivating contentment; we just shouldn't attach it to the expectation of a blessing.

Carolyn McCulley, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye - Trusting God with a Hope Deferred (Illinois: Crossway Books, 2004), 30

I miss him

It's just over three years since this shot was taken, and almost 3 years since he went to be with Jesus. I still miss him.
I miss his hugs. I miss his passion for Jesus. I miss his dreadful singing. I miss his optimism. I miss his reality checks. I miss his prayers. I miss the late nights. I miss his furry green drum kit, and the way that he would play it.

uncomprehensible

got up an hour and a half before class
a double expresso
and a bowl of coco pops

here's to hoping that I am going to be alert and engaged during Doylie's 8am this morning!

times like this, I wish I weren't so sinful

there are times in my life that I realise I am sinful. Tonight is one of those times. I struggle with being selfish, I want my own way and when something happens that means that I can't have my own way, I get annoyed or upset. I don't want to be that way.

I want to be more gracious. After all, God is the God of grace. It is he who has given abundantly and given me more grace than I can possibly understand and comprehend.

Nothing in particular has happened. Except that I have been struck once again by all that God has done for us in sending Jesus.

I want to be a woman who is like king David. When I told Snitzal that some months ago, he said in jest "what, an adulterer?". No. I want to be a woman who desires God's will. A woman who desires are after God's own heart.
I think that when we want what God wants, then we will detest sin in our life. This is what I earnestly need to be praying daily.

schläfrig

Ich hatte eine Stunde langen Schlaf an diesem Nachmittag, aber ich fühle mich noch sehr schläfrig. Ich denke, zur Dienstagsnachtmahlzeit zu gehen, wenn auch es nicht meine Woche ist. Einer der Jungen sagte mir heute, dass ich so kommen sollte, kann ich etwas Fleisch essen. Ich sollte auch gehen, wie ich zum Überlebenden nicht gehe, wenn ich nicht tue. Ich bin auch nicht in der Laune, Essen zu kochen.

sleep is being ever so elusive tonight!

relaxed, lost, and loved!

The day started nice and relaxing. I awoke at 6:45am, only to kick my body (ahh the joys of daylight savings finishing!) and roll over to go back to sleep. A nice relaxing brekky with English Lass, and off to my one class for the day.

Headed home in order to get out and about running errands. Only to discover that I had lost my car keys. Grrrrr. The only set (well, there is another set at my parents). Raced around looking for them, retracing my steps. To no avail. I was on a deadline for my errands, so Naughty nicely lent me her car. I got to the RTA and to the Council to get my parking permit, only to head back home. I drove around for like, half an hour trying to find a park. I gave up and parked in a 1 hour zone.

1 hour is not long when you end up in a conversation!

Got a call from the office chick to say that I had a package waiting for me. 'But I didn't buy anything recently' was the thought that came to mind. Yup, mainly when I get love in my pigeon hole at college, it is cos I have bought some book or other.

Moved Naughty's car, scoring her an ace park out the front of her abode, ran into L'ill Miss and the Musician and scored HUGE hugs, and headed up to the office. Upon entering the office, I picked up my parcel. It was heavy and the receptionist told me that she thought it must have been jam (go figure?). Opened it up, only to discover some books. I was thinking 'but I didn't order anything did I? Or am I totally losing my mind'. Upon looking at the titles I realised that they were from a friend who is going to the US tomorrow morning (in typical style, he hadn't pout a note or anything in the package to let me know who it was from!!). He is going to train at Covenant Life Church with the intention of coming back in a few years to fo a church plant. The books are for my project and hopefully or perhaps an MTh thesis. He had told me that he was going to send them, but I had totally forgotten, or at least thought that he would forget with the franticness of moving country so I had put the offer out of my mind.

And another love item that was in my piegon hole, was my Hebrew Bible. Very exciting! (now I know that I really have turned nerdy)
But I think they sent me the wrong one. It isn't the hard cover one that the first years got sent at the beginning of the year, it is soft cover, and it also has the apparatus down the bottom and margin stuff. It is the Hebrew Bible that you need for second year. So perhaps I better study hard, make it through this year, so that I can put it into use next year!!

Lots of love in book form today.

Now back to finalising the Day of Prayer booklet which needed to be finished by lunch time today!

sane

After jigging classes again on friday, and having some semblance of a day off on sat, I am feeling sane again.
I am not the type to jig class, as I find that this causes too much stress when you get back, but sometimes these things happen.

I had a good weekend. It was sad that I had to say goodbye to BKMB. I am stoked to see the way that God has worked in his life. He has got a job with the United Nations in Nepal and will be gone for at least 10 months.

Love Song

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain
Just to be with the one he loves
How many times has he broken that promise
It has never been done.
I've never climbed the highest mountain
But I walked the hill of calvary

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'll do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'll give anything
I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean
Just to be with the one he loves
All of those dreams are an empty emotion
It can never be done
I've never swam the deepest ocean
But I walked upon the raging sea

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I'll do anything
There's no price I would not pay
Just to be with you, I'd give everything
I would give my life away.

(Bridge)
I know that you don't understand
the fullness of My love
How I died upon the cross for your sins
And I know that you don't realize
how much that I'd give you
But I promise, I would do it all again.

Chorus:
Just to be with you, I've done everything
There's no price I did not pay
Just to be with you, I gave everything
Yes, I gave my life away.

Love Song - Third Day

--
Mooregirl came over for dinner tonight. It was lovely. Good to have a few laughs and be silly at times! We then headed out and went to a supper here at college for the women. A few of the faculty wives spoke about some of their experiences and they shared a verse that has been significant to them. All four of them who shared, all four of the verses, I felt God's assurance.
God will not test me more than I can bear. God will be with me in all things. God is the same today, yesterday and tomorrow.

I am still feeling quite burdened, but I know that God is with me, he loves me enough to send Jesus. Which is why the song above is precious to me tonight. It is another reminder of God's mercy and his grace.

I am thinking of using the above song in my talk tomorrow night. We are all broken, but yet we are cherished.

The question is: how do we respond to God's offer of salvation?

I jigged class today.
Met up with RJG to do some greek this arvo.
He described my mood quite well. He told me that I look as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I think he is right about how I am feeling right now.

But you know what...
I don't need to bear this weight. I need to trust God. I need to give it over to him.
*slaps cheek, wake up and do it then*

study space

It's not too bad at the moment, but I would like to see it clear in the next couple of days.



But then again, I have been trying to clean the rest of my room for the last week too, and that never seems quite finished.

touched

I was touched yesterday when Mooreboy (and Mooregirl) told me that they had put me down as an emergency contact for their eldest at preschool. He started on Monday, and apparently, I am on the list as one of 2 people (other than themselves) who can pick him up from preschool if it is required.

Made me realise all the more just how much I love their friendship and love being part of their family. It amazes me how time and time again, God will move me in different spheres of life, and there is families there that I grow strongly attached to, so much so that I feel a part of them. I am so blessed in this college community to have a couple of families that I feel very much a part of.
Today when I walked out of class early as I was struggling to sit still, I walked over to where Junior Jivers was happening and I saw Charis or I should probably say that she saw me, when I saw her she was running over to me and gave me a hug!
It was a precious moment for me.

Being part of family life is something I must continue to place a priority on in my life in ministry.

How long O Lord

My weary body cries out

I may not look my age ;) but I have come to the realisation that I certainly am feeling it. Once upon a time I would bounce right back after a night out, after severe sleep deprival. Even last year I wonder about how I managed to commute and not sleep. This year I am struggling. Last night's sleep count was four hours and I am not coping too well on it.

I have quite a few deadlines this week. If you are of the praying inclination, please pray that I will not be overwhelmed, but just focus on each task as it heads my way, deal with it and move on.

Liladurchgang

Gott aber erweist seine Liebe zu uns darin, daß Christus für uns gestorben ist, als wir noch Sünder waren. Um wieviel mehr werden wir nun durch ihn bewahrt werden vor dem Zorn, nachdem wir jetzt durch sein Blut gerecht geworden sind! Denn wenn wir imit Gott versöhnt worden sind durch den Tod seines Sohnes, als wir noch Feinde waren, um wieviel mehr werden wir selig werden durch sein Leben, nachdem wir nun versöhnt sind.

--
Ich denke, dass ich dabei bin, in Römern 5 eine Zeit lang noch zu arbeiten!

How much more!

I have been reading Cranfield on Romans 5. Am totally loving his work. I am at least a week behind my class at this point as they have already moved onto Romans 6, but hey, what the heck, I am so totally getting into it.

It’s is God’s grace by which I stand. It is in God’s grace that I boast. It is the grace that is found in Jesus Christ.

How much more then? That is the refrain that is stuck in my head when reading this passage. How much more? How much more then has Christ done to remove the consequences of sin, that is, death? How much more is it that Christ has done in that he has dealth with not just one man’s sin, but the sin of many?

How much more!

a real threat? who knows!

A typical night at the chateaux de partae will consist of the never-ending battle against the local wildlife. Unfortunately wildlife in this city is of the roachkind.
We have baits, we spray, and to date there have only been 4 live roaches spotted in this abode. But that is 4 too many for my liking. Or for English Lass’ liking for that matter. She keeps threatening to move home! (I’m still not quite sure just how seriously I should be taking that threat)

presents

as some of you may know, my dad is a tradie. A couple of weeks ago, he presented me with my first ever power tool. It was all very exciting.
Apparently the guys down at Hardware and General found out about this. So they sent home a present for me. I am now the proud owner of a drill bit set.

Now I just have to work out how to use it!

ahhh for a sleep in

it has been a tough weekend, but I have come out the other end of it reinforced in God's goodness and love for me his daughter.


on a more suprising note
after spending the weekend at my parents, I am hanging to get back into my own bed. I thought that it would be nice sleep ins over there, but now to be. A night in my parent's room as they were out of town, and then a night in my bro's room as he was on a surfing mish. Neither night I slept well. So here's to hoping for a good night tonight! I never thought that I would be this settled this quickly into my little place. I guess it is a good thing.

at least class doesn't start until 10 tomorrow. Then I MUST and I WILL go to the library!

What makes it hard for you to trust God?

This was the question asked at youthsurge last night.
I think my answer would be:
when i doubt or forget his goodness.

another day...

bed won the battle last night
another day, another 8am doctrine lecture with doylie,I was going to say another coffee, but I woke too late this morning to make one. This morning we were treated to a sermon by Jonathon Edwards. I was a little dissapointed that we didn't get to listen to it all the way through, so I might put it on tonight and listen to the end of it.

yup, I didn't quite finish the essays in the way that I would prefer, but that is ok. RJG and I went through last years NT2ii paper. It was interesting, helpful and depressing.

jumping in puddles

having stripped off my soaking wet jeans, I now sit and download the fun filled evening that was had...

the day started dreary, with another 8am lecture. I spent the morning wondering how I would be able to make it through the day.
BUT YES, the day did evolve!
Doyle for Doctrine at 8am, yup, well not much more to say than "I wish I'd made a triple expresso, not just a double"
OT Canon and Text, not really sure what was going on there, but it is my own fault for not doing the pre-reading.
PtOB spent our Romans class today to talk about NT Wright's visit yesterday, which I found most engaging and feeling a little lost, but also wanting to read some more (which is always a good sign).
Lunch was spent in the lovely company of English Lass, and we discussed domestics, logistics, and vegie buying schedules.
I spent the next hour with some friends, where I chaired a discussion on the place of music in the church meeting. (interesting, maybe more thoughts to come on that later)
Then came chick's chaplaincy group...
Followed by a Heeb session with Swan. She taught me the ins and outs of compund shewa's and stuff. And we got to have a quick weekly catch up, which was nice.
Walking back to college, I bumped into some fellow Heeb students, and so chilled and ran through heebs with them for a while.
Finally got home at 5:30!
Now the fun begins....

Cooked dinner for Trinity and the Irish TG from SMBC. Much laughs. The Irish TG (hence for referred to as ITG), is a friend of English Lass' from a few years ago. So Trinity and I got to sit back and be amused by their accents.

Then, one of the guys from SMBC had organised an outing to the Marly. So of course we had to go drop in. Might I add, that that is the first time that I have been out to the Marly since moving into the city!!
Was fun hanging out with old and new friends. I hope we do it again soon.

Then walking back, the silly spirit bit me. Knowing that I had to come home to be writing these 2 exegeticals on Romans 5 for tomorrow, I was just itching to let all my silliness out. Linking arms with Trinity, I proceeded to stop in front of a puddle, got her to look down at it, and you guessed it, I jumped smack bang in the middle of it, soaking both of us!
Then got the hysterics.
I think after the weekend, I needed to have a good laugh.
Am feeling better now. Although am severly tempted to put off doing these essays, and submit them to RJG on Friday. I mean, it isn't as though we haven't got stuff to work through tomorrow, he is taking me through my NT2ii paper to pick holes in it.

But alas, my bed cannot be seen amidst the mess of papers, so I guess that leaves me working for a little while longer.

I am struggling between social and study life at the moment. I want to study, well at least I want to want to study. It seems that at every turn I am faced with another option of a social event. Last night it was Jedi Master's birthday, so we went out to this delish vegan place for dinner.

As some of you know, I have been experimenting more and more with painting. Now, my parents have enjoyed some of these (dare I say it) artworks, and they have been gradually filling our lounge room, but for the first time, I painted something for someone other than family, with them in mind. I gave Jedi Master a canvas (with paint on it!) for his birthday. I was a little dubious about this, as you never really know how art can go down, or what style someone is or likes. I think he liked it, or at least he was being polite, and thanked me for it. (JM, if you read this, am totally not offended if you want to hide it away under a book or something!)

But as for art, I think I need to be disciplined, and put it away for the next week or so.

I think a quiet night in tomorrow night is in order. English Lass is going out, so I can cook my potatoe and rice curry, clean my room, and get stuck into readings. Also it is a late library night, so I may head up there at some stage to do some more copying for my essay.

Ok, ok, enough of the marathon, really is time for me to run away (and join the circus)

What: is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful? (Petruchio, IV.iii)

Gefühle

It has been a while, but lets see how rusty i am!

--
Im Laufe der letzten Woche habe ich eine volle Reihe von Gefühlen gefühlt. Jetzt weiß ich, dass Gefühle gute Dinge sind, aber manchmal ich sie gerade zerquetschen will. Anfang letzter Woche war ich in kurzer Zeit eines tizz. Verwirrt, und in alle Richtungen. Ich verbrachte eine Zeit mit Ould, wer mir half zu sehen, dass ich versuchte, meine Gefühle zu zerquetschen, wie ich nicht zugeben wollte, dass ich sie hatte, oder dass sie ein ok Ding waren. Er half mir zu sehen, dass Gefühle tatsächlich ein gutes Ding sind, es anerkennen, sich damit befassen, und damit fertig werden.
Obwohl ich kämpfen und diese Gefühle nicht wollen kann, muss ich der Tatsache gegenüberstehen, dass sie ein Teil des Lebens sind.

my body cries out in disgust

I think my body is in shock tonight. I fed it red meat today, not only once, but twice! I'm trying to get my iron count up so that the doctor doesn't give me another lecture when I go back in a couple of weeks. Eating green leafies are a much more my style (esp with the cost of meat these days), but it isn't really working well. My stomach is having a hard time tonight.

On a more positive note, my bro got discharged tonight from hospital. For two reasons mainly. They didn't have enough beds, and they got sick of him pacing the halls! They wanted to keep him in another couple of days, but he is quite a trying patient.

i haven't even watched it recently, but i can't get it out of my head

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call,
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all.

i need to get into gear this morning

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
-Dr. Robert Schuller

just got in from the hospital, my bro is doing ok. more bored than anything else really.

sleeping at my parents tonight
one of my other bro's birthday tomorrow
forgot to get him a pressie (slacker)

sleep calls

i feel as though it has been a long time since i have seen my bed. in all reality, it has just been a little over 40 hours. i didn't think i would be back home today, but the series of events that took place has meant that somehow, i am now in the city, back at home, but without a car.

my bro is doing ok. he had to have surgery this arvo. he shattered his left wrist, and has broken his right one.
he should be home from hospital tomorrow.

i hope this teaches him to slow down a little, or a lot as the case might be.

fun fact of the morning

A coconut is the largest known seed in the world. Once a coconut falls from a palm tree, it takes about three years for this seed to take root and sprout into a new tree


--
mum is here, change over of shift, time to head back into the city

bored

was about to say that i was watching the Olympics, but then realised that it is the connonwealth games! d-er fred.

i have discovered that these seats aren't fantastically comfy.

also discovered that dy police station don't have my bro's wallet or phone, which leaves them still missing.

although there is plenty of action, I am still bored.
some chick has come in with a bite of some kind which they need to work out what it was and give her the appropriate antivenom

a grandma in the bed opposite my brother has called me over to explain the intricacies of legal aid

and, well, yup, at this point, no and

except for

bored bored bored

live it is

recently a friend of mine brought us

'live blogging from a birth',

now, I present you with 'live blogging from ER'!
well, my bro is doing ok, considering he fell off a balcony in a set of units. Am still yet to work out what floor he was on, where all his belongings have ended up, and how many bones are broken. where things stand, he is doing ok. looks as though he has at least one broken arm, and possibly two (I wonder just how much tiling work he will be able to do in that state!). they have to wait for morning, for further xrays, but currently he is pretty much morph-ing it up.

Anyways, back to translating romans 7!

a quiet night at the folks!

decided to stay at my parents house tonight, so that I could have a relaxing sleep, but not to be.
just got a phone call from mona vale hospital, my brother has been admitted so I am about to head up there and sit with him.
apparently he is ok, but as i am the one who is the most awake, it will be me who gets to go up there.
will keep you updated.

o e i u ahhh

since deciding to take up hebrew, my life seems a little consumed by languages, and trying to get my mouth to do verbal gymnastics. but am totally enjoying it. i spent a couple of hours this arvo with RJG going over Romans 5 and i walked away totally encouraged and blown away by Jesus' love for us.
as that sesh was finishing, i saw some ppl from my heeb class, and so did some stuff with them. one of the added benefits of picking up hebrew in 3rd year instead of 1st, is that i have been getting to meet new ppl. i mean, like, i would meet some of the first years anyway, but it is just another way to meet some more, and get to know them. so that was a bit of fun. who would have ever thought they would hear or see the day that i said that ancient languages were fun. i know some of my school teachers would be suprised if they saw me now!

online at last

well i am back. English Lass and I finally have the internet at home. which also means that we are able to make calls. we haven't finalised the set up, ie, only one of our PC's is hooked up, but Dad is coming over on Sat to configure everything. made my first call on skype tonight, v exciting!

i also did some more painting tonight. i was feeling down the other day so i bought another canvas and got stuck into it. i finished it tonight, and have decided to call it 'the curtain is torn'. maybe one of these days i might get a digi camera and actually post some pics.

its good to be back online

yup...
broken windscreen = expensive

so does...
phone bill = $269.50

flying rock chips = broken windscreen

the light shines in the darkness

last night I had organised for our youth group to take a walk up to Barrenjoey lighthouse. I got glow sticks for all the kids, and the kids seemed to enjoy it. It is a mid-range difficulty walk, and is heaps of fun to do at night. We had some supper up the top. While we were up there, I gave a talk from John's gospel and 1 John, on Jesus being the light of the world, with the challenge of 'where are you walking? In the light, or in the dark?'
I think overall the night turned out. We went up the gentler, longer slope, and down Smuggler's which is faster, but narrower and steeper.
I woke up earlier than expected this morning, and no where near as sore as what I thought I would be.

--
are you walking in the light?

Psalm 116

1 I love the LORD because he hears and answers my prayers.
2 Because he bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath!
3 Death had its hands around my throat; the terrors of the grave[a] overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow.
4 Then I called on the name of the LORD: "Please, LORD, save me!"
5 How kind the LORD is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours!
6 The LORD protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and then he saved me.
7 Now I can rest again, for the LORD has been so good to me.
8 He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
9 And so I walk in the LORD's presence as I live here on earth!
10 I believed in you, so I prayed, "I am deeply troubled, LORD."
11 In my anxiety I cried out to you, "These people are all liars!"
12 What can I offer the LORD for all he has done for me?
13 I will lift up a cup symbolizing his salvation; I will praise the LORD's name for saving me.
14 I will keep my promises to the LORD in the presence of all his people.
15 The LORD's loved ones are precious to him; it grieves him when they die.
16 O LORD, I am your servant; yes, I am your servant, the son of your handmaid, and you have freed me from my bonds!
17 I will offer you a sacrifice of thanksgiving and call on the name of the LORD.
18 I will keep my promises to the LORD in the presence of all his people,
19 in the house of the LORD, in the heart of Jerusalem. Praise the LORD!

a suprise from dad

I dropped in home (parents place) on my way home home tonight. In fact I am still here.
Dad had two gifts for me. One that he had told me about was that he had got me some circuit breakers as he didn't want either me or English Lass fiddling with the fuses. The second was a suprise.
Dad gave me an electric drill. My first ever power tool. I am stoked. In some ways I feel as though I have come of age in some bizarre way.
When Dad has been over to my place to do handyman stuff, I have been grabbing his drill and doing a few things here and there. But I have struggled under the weight of it. So this one is a nice small one, just enough to handle any of the daily odd things that might come up.
Dad stressed that it was in no way saying that he didn't want me to think that I couldn 't ask him to come over and do stuff. He is so sweet.

It is gone 9pm and I am still a 40min drive from home. I do not want to go into the week tired, so I am thankful for the late start tomorrow. Ahhhh to sleep in!

--

just went online to buy the modem and plan for us to have internet at home, but realised that veritel are charging a connection fee which I didn't see anywhere on the website. I think we are going to have to rethink that one.

another sporadic outburst

life continues pretty much the same.
Class started this week, much to be read, brain already full, still no phone or net set up at home.
Was hoping to have it done by tomorrow, but the modem hasn't arrived yet (yes, that is because I haven't ordered it yet, I am going online now to buy it).
English Lass and I have decided for the time being to go without a home phone. We are going to use Skype for outgoing calls. She may even get a UK number for her friends and family to call her on.

What else, what else has been going on in my life?? Surely something...
Found out that I was accepted as a candidate for ordination. For those that know the history of that decision and application process may understand that I am glad to have that decision over and done with in my life. Although I know that it still means a few more commitments and stuff. Also it is good to know that as I reflect, I can see how God's hand has been at work through the whole thing.
Started giving Jedi Master cooking lessons. He came, observed, ate and left. He will hopefully replicate next time. I enjoy cooking, and I am enjoying showing both English Lass and Jedi Master some of the recipies that are locked away in my head. It is also good for me to rack my brain to make things up which fit complicated dietry requirements.
Discovered that Schleiemacher is an interesting read.
Got benched from song leading in split chapel. (totally fine with this)
Enjoying OT text crit stuff, which is suprising, as its not my usual love.

Time to head off to youth group.
Stay well

Must we insist that Christ will return 'bodily and visibly'? What is at stake in your answer?

--
this is the essay question that I am working on at the moment. Thoughts anyone?

breaking the radio silence

not coping without internet at home -- REALLY!
it may look as though I won't be getting either an internet or fone connection at home, they are just way too expensive. I would like to get a skateboard tho, so that I can travel in speed to the study room at night.... hmmmm

well, life pretty much goes on.

English Lass got in 2 weeks ago. I spent a few days helping her collect all her belongings from around Sydney.
This last week has been a bit hectic. I've had a few dramas going on. It certainly made me wish that I had a landline connected, and also makes me dread the incoming mobile bill. BUT -- God has been good to me. Although I feel as though I have been hit by a truck, God has provided me with awesome friends. Thanks God. (and thanks friends)

I am at my parents house this morning. I stayed there last night as my car is in for a service. Later today I have 4 hours of interviews at college, and then English Lass and I have some friends coming over for dinner. I think that I am going to have to take Calvin to the interviews to read during the breaks. Rego is on Monday, and time is short for completing my summer work!!! It may be another sleepless night on Sunday!
I need some inspiration and no distractions.

whatever you like

hi. i have hacked b's blog. you may remember from such blogs as jeltzz, and other such 1980s phenomena. B is too lazy to step 2 metres to update her blog, and says the chocolate milk has changed her life. A Damascus experience? I think Jabez would agree.

and then A Kempis appeared at the door, as B, in the middle of osmosising, clutches Biblical Hebrew close to her heart, the place it should be.

who decided we should have peer-review for preaching? I want to know! I want answers! More preaching may not result in better preaching, I fear.

late night television has weird advertisements. I recommend you stay clear of such moral obstructions.

This has been a Public Service Announcement. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.